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Live Whacking Archive
click "Live Whacking" button for the latest entries

2 May 2005

Quote of the day

Before you lurch across the constitutional Rubicon, you really ought to know what you're getting yourself into. Bad law is worse than bad policy, and a bad constitution is worse than the lot.

- Steve Edwards

Amen brother....



We can all rest easy. Cuba's standard-of-living problems have all been solved: Fidel Castro has more than doubled the minimum wage.

A new golden future has arrived I'm sure..............................


A fitting farewell

My suggestion for the venue of Sir Joh's upcoming state funeral:

I'm sure a similar public facility could be found in the Brisbane area.

And disinfected thoroughly afterward of course. No sense in punishing a decent latrine.

The body will of course need to be dismembered or burnt for efficient flushing.

The bastard deserves no less.


Quote of the day II

Well Huzzah, Huzzah! I'll just throw my legs up and pollute my britches with delight.

- C.M. Burns


Everything you needed to know about Asian hookers

Yobbo and John Humphreys kindly give us all the relevant info.


27 April 2005

Home-grown vermin

Turns out the Australian Communist Party has a weekly newspaper called The Guardian.

Here's an article praising Joseph Stalin.

The bulk of the Russian masses are, as The Sunday Times itself admits, "poverty-stricken [and] disillusioned by market reforms and Western values". The realisation that they were better off under Soviet rule is making itself felt more and more.

Anti-Communist and especially anti-Stalin propaganda in Russia makes that in the West look insignificant. Yet in a recent poll, fully a quarter of all respondents said they would vote for Stalin if he were standing today.

Mark Franchetti, describing a Communist demonstration in Moscow, something that is rarely reported in our "free press", calls it "a red sea of hammer-and-sickle flags". He interviews a 33-year-old lawyer, Yuri Vassilyev, to make the point that it’s not just old people who carry portraits of Stalin in demonstrations.

The increasing numbers of young people who take part are a worry for the capitalists of both Russia and the West. As Vassilyev tells Franchetti, "After years of lies about him [Stalin], the truth is coming out".


But it is not just Communists who are now giving Stalin a good rap. There were ceremonies last December to mark the 125th anniversary of Stalin’s birth, and at one of these, notes Franchetti, the Speaker of the Duma, Boris Gryzlov, not only spoke but praised Stalin "as a leader who had done much for his nation".


All these moves have been greeted with shock and horror by propagandists of the capitalist world.

These propagandists and the political leaders of the main imperialist states — USA, Britain, Germany — are applying all the pressure they can on the Russians to make them drop their proposals for statues and other forms of recognition of Stalin’s war-time leadership.


Davies should interview some of those "poverty-stricken Russians" Franchetti mentioned. They could tell him of a few benefits of Communist rule which they used to enjoy and would like to be able to enjoy again.

You think that was nauseating? Check out their gushing praise of the Soviet prison and re-education system:

In post-Civil War Russia, in the early '20s, the streets swarmed with waifs and gangs of homeless children living on their wits. So serious was the problem that Lenin gave the task of rounding up these "wild" children to Felix Dzerzhinsky and the Cheka (forerunner of the KGB).

To the amazement of foreign observers, who saw the Cheka in terms of their own anti-Soviet propaganda, Dzerzhinsky's men and women did a splendid job of rescuing kids off the streets. But what to do with them then?

The answer was revealed in what became a Soviet classic, Road to Life by Makarenko. It is the story of how he founded and ran for many years a labour camp for juvenile delinquents or "young offenders".

Makarenko's approach was not to punish but to build up — in often very hostile youngsters whom life had treated harshly — a sense of their known worth and a pride in their own contribution to the advancement of their society.

Lovely people these communists.

On the popular culture front, they went absolutely apeshit when they watched Team America: World Police:

This kind of "anarchism" encourages selfish, petty-bourgeois individualism of the worst kind. The result? Another generation of self-absorbed, apathetic American youth, pumped up on caffeine, glued to the TV eating microwave pizza, with a "F*** you" attitude to the outside world.

And this is exactly what the ruling class wants — Bush and his spinmeisters couldn't have come up with a better campaign themselves!

And movies like Team America: Wold Police fit very nicely into their masterplan.

Don't see this film. Don't let your children see this film (lock them up if necessary!).

Get off the couch, throw out the junk food, spend your $14 on Mike Moore's latest book and join the fight against fascism.

Really, it's so much more satisfying.

Not only psychopaths, they're boring psychopaths.

25 April 2005

A great horrible experience

House of Sand and Fog is an extraordinary film. Incredible acting, great direction, a crisp, no-nonsense screenplay, beautiful cinematography.

It is also the most emotionally devastating film I think I've ever sat through. As I told my partner at the end: "great movie, but it makes me want to kill myself".

A great, great movie it is indeed and I recommend it without hesitation.

But it isn't one you'll enjoy.


People Power

The Green Left Weekly is celebrating the massive turnout for the latest anti-Howard protest in Darwin.

Keep it up fellas. Viva La Revolution!


Venezuelan Vogon Poetry

Oh brother.


You people are freaks, you know that?

Some recent search strings with which people have found this site:

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21 April 2005

The latest from Crazy Joe

Joe Vialls has been off his game of late, but he's back with a gem containing his patended everything-is-connected-to-Jews ravings. To save you reading it, here's a summary:

1: The Australian government planted drugs on Schapelle Corby.

2: They did this to distract media attention away from sending 500 troops to Iraq to protect filthy slanty-eyed Japanese.

3: They are sending the troops to Iraq on the orders of "Jews in New York" (quite why the Jews are interested in protecting the Japanese is a mystery)

4: More predictions of doom for the Zionist criminals in Israel:

The Jewish State is in its final death throes, and American soldiers will have to be deployed to save the illegal Jewish occupiers of Palestine from a 'fate worse than death'. It is a tricky time politically, with no one really sure whether the sacrificial 'blocking' American troops will go to Palestine as ordered to save the poor Jews, or perhaps turn their guns on Capitol Hill instead.

5: The USA is going to invade Palestine, on the "orders" of the Zionist World Government.

6: The Jews and Americans are going to be taught a lesson by the fearsome Arab military forces in the region, who have apprently been armed with space-age Russian death-weapons. They can utterly destroy the USA and Jew armies any time they choose.

Mind you, Joe's not had much luck with previous predictions....................


"Materialists are a threat to national security"

Yep, Joe Vialls isn't the only crackpot I enjoy reading: there's a chap who rivals Joe for sheer derangement: Australian ex-lawyer and "psychic energy" proponent Victor Zammit.

Victor's on a private crusade to prove with indisputable scientific objective evidence that there is such a thing as an afterlife.

Thing is though, Victor doesn't have a private, comfortable faith in the afterlife, he demands that everyone accepts his 'evidence', and becomes enraged my "materialists" who fail to recognize the indisputable proof that the universe is powered by "vibrating psychic energy". It's a peculiar mixture of new-age spiritualism, Uri Geller-ist paranormalism, and a serious insecurity complex about scientists.

Skeptics aren't just immoral you see: they're dangerous because they won't use psychic energy techniques to combat terrorists. No really. The theory goes something like this:

1: All matter and energy in the world is "vibrating energy". Victor assures us that all secular scientists are in complete agreement about this.

2: The mind is an 'energy station' which creates transmits and receives 'energy'. The will (of the mind) can change the form of this 'energy'.

3: All living humans have a body made up of vibrationary energy which is a duplicate of the physical body and will survive physical death and retain consciousness.

At the time of physical death, the duplicate body will have reached a certain vibrational level and will go to an energy sphere that can accommodate those vibrations.
Selfless spiritual service increases the vibrational energy of the duplicate body.

Yeah, it's perfectly self-evident isn't it, you secular fools.

4: The afterlife has different levels of this 'energy' which form different spheres 'according to the speed of vibration': The faster the vibrations of a sphere the higher and more spiritually evolved are the entities which reside there.

Hey, this is getting exciting!

5: The more spiritually evolved a being is, the brighter the energy of the aura.

Vic doesn't explain what the "aura" is, though I suspect being "spiritually evolved" has something to do with giving money to Uri Geller.

6: Slowing down the speed of the 'atomic vortices' [wha?] of the energy will result in 'materialisation'. Speeding up the vortices will result in de-materialisation.

OK, I gotta confess I got kinda lost here. Thankfully, there's only one bit to go:

7: for every (energy) action there is a (an energy) reaction ie, energy is a 'boomerang' - the 'energy' you give out will inevitably return to you.

OK, you got all that? Well, me neither, but it makes perfect sense to Victor, as it apparently forms a group of self-evident irrefutable truths.

What's all this got to do with national security? Vic explains:

Terrorist do nasty things because there are "powerful negative afterlife entities" that "attach" themselves to the terrorists.

I do not state these things lightly. Just for the record, for many years I intermittently worked for a Western law enforcement agency and consider myself highly skeptical and professionally experienced with law enforcement procedures. However, I am fully aware that very serious errors have been made in traditional linear reductionist, conventional crime detection and prevention. But my submission I know one day will become 'routine' investigation.

You heard it here first folks. our investigative innovator continues:

My two decades of research analyzing information from the afterlife dimension suggests a most innovative way to extract information from [...] any terrorist anywhere in the world, with relative ease with or without his co-operation.

You see, Vic says traditional interrogation techniques would fail to extract the necessary information from the terrrorist, which will result in tragic consequences. To prevent this, we must use psychic techniques:

leaders like Hitler, who dabbled in the occult, would have attracted very powerful nasty afterlife entities around them. Stalin, Pol Pot, Saddam Hussain and Idi Amin who collectively butchered and tortured millions could have been aided abetted and spurred on by powerful afterlife entities who when on earth committed similar horrific crimes.

Here's the good enws:

Experts could make two-way communication with this afterlife entity to extract all relevant information. Whilst there are never guarantees the information will be extracted or given freely, there is a good chance this innovative method will yield miracle results.

Yay. All Prez Bush needs to do is hire himself some psychics and terrorism will be stopped cold, 'coz the attached entity could not resist the urge to spill the beans about their plans.

So it's clear you see: skeptics are hindering our fight against terrorism.

The consequences of restricted or incompetent crime detection are enormous. Access to gifted psychics and remote viewers to pursue terrorists is and will be critical.

Well, now we know. Can we act on this before Osama nukes us?


If I was a billionaire, part III

I'd buy a huge rural property, and build myself a replica of Phillip Island raceway:

The greatest racetrack on earth, by light-years, even though new owner Lindsay Fox has done a good job of trying to fuck it up recently (huge ugly gravel traps, a view-restricting new pit wall) and there's the horrible threat of it becoming an F1 track. If there's one thing F1 does brlliantly, its fuck up great racetracks (Monza, Hockenheim, Kyalami to name but a few).

Man, if I owned this place, I doubt I'd ever leave.


Suggestions to business owners & managers

- If you don't like to be contacted by e-mail, don't fucking advertise your e-mail address on your "contact us" page or in your yellow pages ad.

- If you ever want my business, never, ever do cold-calling or door-to-door marketing.

- I don't care if my offer is too low for you. Either accept it, or don't. My only obligation is to maximise my own spending dollar. Don't whine about how you're not making money on the deal. That's your problem.

- If you're bidding for a tender, it is up to you to get my business. I'm not going to make any effort to help you figure out how to get the bid. Read the goddamned tender document and offer a good price. When you submit your bid, keep it as short as possible, and don't include 30 pages showing us your company profile.

- If you have a catalogue on your website, give specifications and prices where possible. If I wanted to "ring for more information", I would have rung you in the first place.

- Motorcycle dealers: if you want to sell me your shiny new bike, have a demo model available for me to test ride. I don't care if this costs you money. If I don't get to ride it, I don't buy it. Suzuki and Yamaha, I'm talking to you.

- Cinema owners: let people bring in their own damn food and drinks. I haven't been to the movies in two years. My home theatre setup means not having to pay ridiculous ticket prices, and be forced to eat $10 popcorn and $5 cokes. If you guys wanna survive for much longer, you're going to have to sharpen up your act.

- Retail outlets: keep a good amount of stock on hand, because I'm never going to ask you to "order it in" for me.


19 April 2005

Quote of the day

Hamas is an Islamic movement which means it is an ethical movement.

From the Hamas Online Q&A page.


Oh, piss off

The comments section of this post at Tim Blair's place is full of revisionist apologetics for Joh Bjelke Petersen, who I'm glad to say is close to death.

Gimme a fuckin' break.

The man was the most corrupt, worthless piece of shit this country's political sphere has ever seen, who willfully aided the criminal ruin of the Queensland legal system, who shamelessly used his position to line the pockets of himself, his mates and his cronies, and whose hypocritical social conservatism belonged in the 19th century.

Bye bye Joh. Your slimy corpse should be dropped into the sewer where it belongs.

Rot in hell, you fuck.


A brief vision of the Ninth Level of Hell

I just saw Rod Stewart and Chrissie Hynde singing As Time Goes By.




The "greatest rider of all time" got beaten by Alex Barros in Sunday's MotoGP race.

Alex Barros has scored six victories during the Valentino Rossi era..........He scored one in the Mik Doohan era.

Sete Gibernau has scored nine victories in the Valentino Rossi era......He scored none in the Mik Doohan era, and finished fifteenth in the 2000 championship.

Can someone explain why I'm supposed to think Rossi is the "greatest rider of all time"?


New Scooter

Bought myself some cheap commuting transport today: a Sym Shark 150.

My z1000 is expensive to run. A set of tyres will cost $500 and last 9000kms (if I'm lucky). Chain and sprockets cost $450, services every 6000kms cost $300-$500 and it drinks fuel at the rate of one litre of 98 octane petrol every 14kms. It's a waste of money using this as a commuter. The Shark will pay for itself in a year.

The Shark can cruise at 100kph, goes 35kms on a litre of fuel, has lockable storage space under the seat for groceries, a lockable glovebox, and mine will also have a topbox at the back. These will all come in handy during shopping trips in the summer, where I'll be able to just leave my helmet, jacket and other gear in the scoot, and not sweat like a pig wearing/carrying all that shit around with me.

The Shark is - except for the styling - the same machine as the Euro MX, which I reviewed here.

I pick it up this weekend, and will from then on save my Orange Machine for weekend fun. Maybe I'll use the spare cash to finally buy myself a VTR1000.


A Harley that's actually worth riding

Well, sort of (the "Harley" part) and maybe (the "worth riding" part).........

Let's start with a very brief history lesson: Back in the 80s(?), Harley engineer Erik Buell bought up a bunch of Harley engines and started building a sportsbike chassis around them.

The Buell brand eventually became quite successful, and 3-4 years ago was brought back into the fold by Harley, who now manufacture the machine in-house.

Harley-Davidsons are pieces of shit. Underpowered, uncomfortable, poor-handling, heavy, incredibly ugly, slow, overpriced and badly built. Buells aren't without problems either, particularly in the area of build quality.

However, having been designed by a guy who doesn't have his head stuck in 1920's technology, the Buell range has gradually become a genuinely exciting bunch of motorcycles which is finally winning respect from the sportsbike fraternity. Particularly this one:

The Firebolt XB12R has won raves from people who wouldn't touch a Harley with a ten-foot pole. Strange looks (in a good way), brilliant handling, and a grunty engine make the XB a truly distinctive and fun machine.

While the v-twin engine technology is unremarkable (it's made by Harley after all), the design is rather trick:

- fuel stored in the frame
- oil stored in the swingarm
- rim-mounted brakes
- underslung exhaust
- drive belt instead of a chain

The bike is very compact: it's closer to a 250 size-wise than a bike with such a huge displacement. This makes it absolutely wicked in this twisty stuff from all the reports I've read.

At $17.5k, it's still a bit overpriced, though you do get the satisfaction of having a very distinctive machine under you.

Sadly - though not surprisingly - there have been a lot of reports of serious reliability and build-quality hassles with the new Buells. Even the normally manufacturer-friendly aussie bike press have reported a range of problems. Still, the bike comes with a two-year warranty so at least you know any problems will be fixed.

I'm going to see if I can get a test-ride on one of these things in the coming weeks. I'll let you know how it goes.


12 April 2005

Cuba: "the only real democracy"

Courtesy of pro-totalitarian shitbag Walter Lippman, comes this brain-numbing interview with Cuban "people's assembly" leader Ricardo Alarcón de Quezada. He lets us in on the truth: that Cuba is the world's only true democracy.

No really.

Here are some choice excerpts (with my emphases added):

There are tendencies and differences among countries. In my opinion there are several essential problems, that’s why representative democracy has been criticized. One of them is reducing the democratic practice, people’s involvement, to just voting.

In any Cuban community people nominates and elects candidates and delegates, who become part of the municipal government, once they are elected. Those who have been elected have to give an account about their work. But also, the people can recall them at any time.

With the triumph of the Revolution, from that institutional loss of prestige another idea of Republic is born, much more authentically democratic, with a Party that, as Marti’s, did not intervene in the elections, because its goals are not electoral/ Cuban History is very rich in that sense

So now you know.

Elsewhere at the same site, Walter Lippman himself brings us the good news: the Cuban economy is about to boom, all shortages will be solved, and the Cuban peso is crushing the wretched yanqui dollar. He knows this because Tio Fidel said so, so it must be true....

Fidel explained that while the value of national currencies everywhere are dropping, Cuba's is increasing.

This change is one of the consequences of Cuba's strategic alliance with China and Venezuela, which have given the island a level of economic stability it hasn't had since the fall of the Soviet Union and its allies.

Fidel also spoke about the steps taken to expand and secure the island's electrical system, which are aimed at reducing blackouts.

The Comandante was in a great mood tonight, telling people he wouldn't go on too long so they wouldn't miss tonight's baseball game

Awwww! That sweet old bugger.

I wonder if Oscar Biscet got to watch the baseball game?


The 21st century face of Islam

Welcome to the home page of, who host Hamas Online.

I'm shocked to discover that they don't like Jews very much:

The Simon Wiesenthal Center is a NGO at international agencies including the United Nations, UNESCO, and the Council of Europe. It is dedicated in protecting Jewish criminals, murderers, thieves, rapist's etc from justice, censoring the truth, and justifying Jewish criminal acts of murder, torture, killing, stealing etc by their third Reich they call "israel". By their own saying they have 400.000 member families in the U.S.

In addition to hosting services, they also offer copies of Protocols of The Elders of Zion, free of charge.

We would also like in the spirit of knowledge and truth for everyone, to offer a copy of "The Protocols Of The Elders Of Zion" A document explaining in length the devious plan of the Zionists to control and subdue and terrorize the world for their own gains. The document has proven itself if one looks at the current events and situations in the world we live in right now!

These guys can be reached throught the following e-mail addys:

I hear they like to be told stories about how The Prophet used to fuck donkeys up the arse. Be sure to pass along your own tales.



This makes sense to someone I'm sure.


Contain your excitement!

Welcome to The World of Napkins.


Cheap pointless blog-filler

From the Cranky Old Bugger, who got it off another Cranky Old Bugger.....

What time is it? 11.02pm

Name as it appears on birth certificate: Technically "DAR" (the first three letters of the watermark of authenticity that is pressed into the paper - it appears before my name).

Piercing: None. Bleccch.

Eye color: Hazel...hints of blue.

Place of birth: Darwin, NT, Australia.

Favourite food: chips (fries to you yanks), mexican, malaysian, indian, chinese, Kingsleys Chicken.

Ever been to Africa? No, and I have no intention of ever going. Third-world toilets don't interest me much.

Favorite clothing? dark. Never wear shorts. prefer long-sleeve shirts & t-shirts.

Ever been toilet papering? Huh?

Have you ever had a speeding ticket? Bwehehehehe. No. Just received angry gestures from the boys in blue.

Been in a car accident? Yep. My sister crashed into a wagon when I was 13. Noone got hurt. Definitely fucked both cars though.

Favorite day of the week: Saturday.

Favorite restaurant: Oriental Express - Canberra.

Favorite flower: Don’t have one.

Favorite sport to watch: Motorbike racing, cricket, boxing, some olympic events, and tennis - especially if Maria Sharapova is playing.

Favorite drink: Cougar (pre-mixed bourbon & coke in a can, served ice-cold), Ice cold coke, orange juice.

Favorite fast food restaurant: Kingsleys Chicken - without question the best fast food on earth.

What color is your bedroom carpet? Beige.

How many times did you fail your driver’s test? None. I've never taken one. I did however take a rider's licence test, which I passed without losing any points.

Favorite perfume: 'Arabie' by Serge Lutens , or whatever Holly Valance is wearing.

What do you do most often when you are bored? Ride motorbikes, surf web.

Bedtime? During working week: usually around 1-2am. On weekends, around 2.30-4.00am.

What is your favorite color? None.

How many tattoos do you have? None.

Have you ever run out of gas? Yep. Three years ago when I wrongly set the tripmeter on my Triumph. An error I've never repeated.

What is the last book you read? Tammy Bruce's the death of right and wrong (AKA. the shrill ravings of a born-again conservative).



Are Valentino Rossi fans the biggest pack of brain-dead drooling imbeciles the sports world has ever seen?

(this is a rhetorical question)


When a friend vanishes

It's been two years since I was in the USA (Jesus, it feels like a couple of months). Some friends and myself had a shindig in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. It was really an assortment of online friends, some of whom had met before the gathering, others hadn't. Great fun was had by all.

One of them - a wonderful nice lady named Carol - has not been seen or heard from since.

Her phone number doesn't work, nor does her e-mail. All attempts to contact her by everyone in the last two years have failed. She's not the kind of person to leave without saying goodbye.

I hope there's a mundane explanation for this.


9 April 2005

Suspension tweaking

I have seen God, and his name is Öhlins.

A few weeks back, I had my z1000 fitted with a rear shock and front fork springs from the Swedish suspension specialists. Let me tell you something. If you are a sportsbike owner looking to spend a few bucks on enhancing your machine, an Öhlins upgrade should be your absolute no.1 priority.

Forget engine performance mods. An upgrade to your suspenders will make a staggering difference. You'll be able to go around corners 20kph faster with the same level of effort. Traction will improve. Stability improves. Hard braking improves. If you weren't scraping your pegs before, you'll defnitely be scraping them after.

Along with the incredible handling Öhlins delivers, is the easy adjustibility: ride height, spring preload, compression damping and rebound damping are all a twist of a knob away. No more banging away with the hammer-n-screwdriver on the rear collar, using a screwdriver on a hard-to-reach adjuster, no need for shim stack to change to ride height.

At $1965, it wasn't cheap, but it was worth every cent. Any bike I get in the future will be getting this upgrade.

Motorcyclists, do yourself a favour and find your nearest Öhlins distributor. Today.



MotoGP gets underway this weekend. My predictions last year were laughable, but I'll have stab for this year anyway. Here's my predictions for the top ten championship places (though I'm only confident about the first two).

1: Valentino Rossi (Yamaha) - he did it last year on a brand new bike, he'll almost certainly do it again on a machine he's been developing for a year. Having Edwards as a teammate - an excellent developer of bikes with a similar style to Rossi's - will only help.

2: Sete Gibernau (Honda) - will probably have a year similar to last year's: win a bunch of races, might lead the points early in the year, but will fade in the second half of the year.

3: Max Biaggi (Honda) - he's finally out of excuses: he has full factory backing on a Repsol Honda. Won't stop him from being beaten though, and he'll find new excuses. He does have master tuner Erv Kanemoto in his corner though....

4: Makoto Tamada (Honda) - will score 2 or 3 race wins, but will lack consistency to finish higher up. Then again, Tamada is quite unpredictable. He's the only guy Rossi has no psychological hold over, and if he adapts quickly to the Michelins he might even challenge for the title. I hope so anyway, as the guy is amazing to watch

5: Colin Edwards (Yamaha) - first year on the Yamaha, and he seems confident. Will get a bunch of podiums and probably a victory. Won't be consistent enough to challenge for the title.

6: Nicky Hayden (Honda) - his third season with Repsol Honda. He needs to start winning some races. He's had some good results in testing so he may get a victory, most likely at Laguna Seca.

7: John Hopkins (Suzuki) - Hopper has done brilliantly in testing on the still-shitty Suzuki and may gets some podiums this year. He's certainly riding rings around his teammate Kenny Roberts.

8: Marco Melandri (Honda) - a big talent in his first year on the Honda.

9: Loris Capirossi (Ducati) - the Duke should be better this year, and Capirossi is a fast as anyone when he has a decent machine and his head is screwed on. May get a few podiums.

10: Shinya Nakano (Kawasaki) - the talented Japanese will ride the wheels off the slow Kawasaki, and a podium or two looks likely, as do quite a few crashes.


Osama Rap

During my recent trip to Melbourne, my accommodations were kindly provided by 'Tom Paine'. The highlight of my stay was a viewing of a special music video he acquired especially for my visit: a jihadist recruitment hip-hop video called Dirty Kuffar by muslim rapper 'Shaikh Terra'.

Thrilling stuff, though it wasn't until halfway through the video that I realised the guy was rapping in English, so I missed out on all that lyrical beauty.

The images were entertaining though. Obviously filmed on someone's 80's era VHS camera, it had a couple of Islamist chimps in a jihadist hankerchief face-wraps pointing guns at the camera while rapping.

This was intercut with TV news footage, presumably to help interpret the lyrics. This included:

- footage of Osama looking like a puppet with a hand up his anus, accompanied by the lyrics "OBL Crew be like shining star".

- footage of Jihadist warriors racing along in Toyota utes, rather confusingly accompanied by "driving your car disrespects Allah" (maybe there's a blasphemy exemption for four-wheel drives?).

- footage of Tony Blair addressing the House of Commons, accompanied by what sounded like "Togy Bler LIAR!" with the word "BLIAR" appearing at the bottom of the screen.

- footage of jihadists blowing up convoys, civilian markets while singing something to the effect of "we get you anywhere dirty kuffar".

- pictures of famous jihadists, though the lyrics were a little confusing: "peace be to hamas and hizbollah, they suck dick on my car".

- footage of an Islamist in Chechnya executing a captured Russian soldier with a machine gun, accompanied by "kill da dirty kuffar!".

- lots of images of Dubya, accompanied by "big dirty kuffar", "throw him on da fire!" and other witticisms.

- images of Ariel Sharon morphing into a pig, accompanied by "dirty kuffar!".

- images of the hijacked planes flying into the World Trade Centre towers in New York with sounds of the rappers laughing and the lyrics "like the way we destroy them two tower ha ha"

I remember scattering of other lyrics too, though the poor english pronunciations had me wondering if I heard them correctly. Among some of the more confusing lines were:

"Dirty Kuffar, whereever you are, I scratch my crabs and hurt my long bar"

"I snorkel my yams and bagel my scar"

"Condi Rice Powell slaves homosexual Allah"

"[something something] big goat jelly Allah!"

Still, the video is a big hit with many muslims. And they wonder why this religion has an image problem.


Red Bull

The ride from Melbourne to Canberra on the highway is one of the dullest in existence. 8hrs57mins of riding gives you a sore arse and serious fatigue.

About halfway, I bought a can of Red Bull - the great 'stamina drink'.

It was.....not good. And it doesn't work either. I'll stick to Coke or choc milk next time.


Doom 3

I don't get to play many PC games, mostly thanks to the crummy old Compaq I have.

Still, I did get to play Doom 3.

It has a wonderful, and genuinely creepy movie-like atmosphere. The interactions with other characters and machinery is terrific.

Sadly, the gameplay doesn't quite live up to his early promise. The never-ending pitch-darkness and the stupid 'triggers' which always put the monsters behind you make the game both very difficult and very tedious. It seriously needed some more varied level design. I only got about 3 hours into the game, and I understand it improves later on, but I didn't get that far.

Still, what's good about the game (graphics, sound, atmosphere) is very good indeed. It just isn't as good as it so easily could have been.


Italjet's Formula 125

While I was in Melbourne, I finally got a chance to test ride this little beauty around Heidelberg:

What a little ripsnorter this was. The 125cc twin-cylinder two-stroke has a little rocket of an engine, with lots of low-end torque for getting away from the lights in a hurry. It was comfy, had good brakes, plenty of storage space (but no shopping-bag hook), adjustable suspension and decent switchgear.

Best of all was the unusual suspension system, which solves a lot of the instability woes that usually plagues small-wheel scooters. It was smooth over bumps and great through corners.

As a two-stroke performance scoot, it's not as cheap to run or practical as bigger, cheaper four-stroke models, but it's a lot more fun.



Anthony Mundine - the self-proclaimed "world's greatest athlete" who quit rugby league and turned to boxing in a laughably pathetic bid to become the next Muhammad Ali - is quitting boxing and returning to Rugby.

Mundine's pugilistic career largely consisted of fighting ageing bums (after one such encounter, he proclaimed it was "just another step on that road to greatness which will ultimately see me rule supreme") and getting soundly walloped every time he faced a serious opponent.

Then there's his rather humiliating efforts at continually avoiding aussie fighter Danny Green, who would have most probably reduced Mundine to a bloody pulp.

Gee whizz Choc, what happened to becoming the world's greatest boxer so you could 'fight racial injustice' on the world stage?

Anthony Mundine: celebrity. boxer. idiot.


8 April 2005

I'm back baybeee........................

Just returned from a 9-day holiday to Phillip Island and Melbourne.

New posts will appear here tomorrow. I've got a bunch of stuff to talk about, so I'll see you then.


28 March 2005

Message to the blogosphere

Shut the fuck up about Terri Schiavo already.

I'll be glad when she's finally dead so I won't have to read any more crap about it. I can't remember the last issue where both sides of the argument sounded like such self-righteous, sanctimonious arseholes.


Delusional hobo mutters outdoors

Oh hang on, it's John Pilger. My mistake.

The wrinkly traitor - who advocates the killing of Australian troops - addressed a Sydney pro-Saddam gathering, telling us about how we live in a Stalinist country. Or something like that.

...those who are paid to keep the record straight, who are meant to challenge Howard's lies and uphold our right to freedom of speech, a freedom that is a cornerstone of any true democracy. I refer of course to the media: journalists, broadcasters: we know where they stand. We know that, apart from a few honorable exceptions, they are not merely craven and silent, but occupy a place in this society not dissimilar to the media in the Stalinist regimes of Eastern Europe.

It is worth noting that in the last year, Pilger has had articles published in The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age, The Green Left Weekly, and has been interviewed on ABC TV.

Oddly enough, I can't find a single incident of Pilger being censored, by anybody.

His reality-distortion problems don't end here though. Check out his...erm....inflated views on what the anti-war movement has actually accomplished:

Had it not been for you and your movement, I believe Iran and North Korea would have been attacked by now, and in the case of North Korea, nuclear weapons might have been used.


Hey, whatever you say pal.....


Quick movie opinions

One Hour Photo: fine thriller about creepy loner Sy Parrish (played by Robin Williams) who becomes obsessed with a family whose photos he develops. Slick, concise and very unsettling. Recommended.

Before Night Falls: a flawed but interesting look at the life of Cuban poet Reynaldo Arenas, as played by Javier Bardem. It shows Cuba to be the gay-hating, totalitarian shithole that it really is. The DVD really, really needs subtitles, as Bardem's English is atrocious. Johnny Depp makes a couple of cute cameos, and Sean Penn a really bad one. Needed some editing, especially near the end. Still, a decent flick.

And Starring Pancho Villa as Himself: a HBO production, and very entertaining. Antonio Banderas has serious screen presence as the Mexican commie revolutionary, in this semi-comic look at Hollywood's effort to make a movie about Pancho, featuring documentary battle footage with Pancho himself. Great supporting cast, brilliantly funny and some well-staged battle scenes. Definitely worth a look.

Frida: It must be Mexican Commie Movie Month in my house. Salma Hayek stars as weirdo, unibrowed artist Frida Kahlo, and Alfred Molina as fellow commie painter Diego Rivera. A movie which is less than the sum of its parts: Molina and Hayek's interplay, some wonderful visual imagery, great music and a kick-ass supporting cast (Geoffrey Rush, Ed Norton, Antonio Banderas, Ashley Judd) and a great soundtrack. Still, these elements can't completely make up for the fact that it's a story about two self-absorbed commie wankers, and it's 15 minutes too long. Still, its worth a look if it shows up on TV near you.

Girl with a pearl earring: A fictional story behind Jan Vermeer's famous painting. Heavy on great visuals and atmosphere, the limited narrative plays second fiddle. Still, it's an entrancing film. Stars Scarlett Johanssen and Colin Firth.

Sex, lies and videotape: Finally caught up with Steven Soderbergh's debut effort. James Spader plays an oddball drifter who videotapes women talking about sex. This has a dramatic effect on the lives of three people that he visits. Won't give away too much more of the plot, as it's interesting to see how the interpersonal drama unfolds. Light on cinematic style and heavy on dialogue, yet manages to hold your attention to the end. Soderbergh never does quite mesh his naturalistic approach with Spader's very unnatural character (the exposition of his feelings and motivations is hopelessly weak), yet it's still an interesting drama. It's also the first time I've ever watched Andie McDowell where I haven't wanted to punch her in the mouth.


22 March 2005

Shameless web-traffic-pulling stunt

Excuse me a moment while I attract a few Google searches......

American Idol naked
Kylie Minogue nude
Kurt Cobain autopsy photos
George Bush asshole
Noam Chomsky truth
Women fucking snakes
Star Wars Revenge of The Sith spoilers
Tim Blair nazi
Desperate Housewives episode guide
Jew Iraq oil conspiracy
Hitler liked little boys
axl rose dead
EU superpower
Fake saddam trial

Thanks for your time, back to regular programming now.


Have these people any shame?

Week after week, year after year, regardless of his human rights atrocities, the Green Left are still blowing the Cuban tyrant:

we are told that ‘‘those caught speaking out against the ailing dictator run the risk of death’‘. Yet nowhere in the six pages of shock-horror sensationalism that follows about the alleged ‘‘show trials’‘ in May 2003 of 75 so-called dissidents (in reality, paid agents of the US government) and the hardships of daily life in Cuba is there even a shred of evidence presented to justify the slander that Cuba executes people because they speak out against the government.


Cuba’s achievements are becoming more well-known among young people. Maybe Cuba, its music and its heroes, is seeing a resurgence of hip-ness in Western youth culture.


the world’s imperialist powers, chief among them the US, have tried to destroy the revolutionary government in Cuba, in order to replace it with one that will understand that the world’s poor countries should be at the mercy of the world’s richest corporations. This has involved a systematic propaganda effort to downplay the gains of the revolution, and paint the island as a terrifyingly repressive dictatorship.

The real Cuba, while far from a paradise, is light years away from the grim caricature painted by the capitalist media. Whatever hardships its people have had to endure, Cuba is living proof that a people-centred economy and society is possible, that there is hope. It’s this subversive hope, the dream of billions of exploited and downtrodden people across the planet, that imperialism’s hired scribes are desperately trying to kill off.


The only notable instance of social unrest, a rock-throwing rampage through Old Havana in August 1994 by a few hundred disillusioned people urged on by counter-revolutionary provocateurs, was met with a spontaneous counter-mobilisation of local residents and construction workers from nearby building sites. When Castro heard about the riot and arrived at the scene of the standoff, he instructed his security detail to put away their weapons and engaged in a dialogue with the protesters, at the end of which the rioters, who only hours earlier had been shouting anti-government slogans, broke into chants of “Viva Fidel!” and the crowd dispersed.

The way this incident was resolved — through the force of persuasion rather than the persuasion of force — is revealing. How many times have we heard that Cuba is a dictatorship held together by fear, repression and the diabolical personality of Fidel Castro?

Indeed, how many times have we heard that? Those ungateful political prisoners and refugees must have been making shit up.

Fucking commie scum. Where's Pinochet when we need him?


Idiots in Montreal

Quebec joins the worldwide asshole protest movement.


19 March 2005

Recommendations please

Anyone know of any good books on the history of Cuba not written from a Castro-apologist perspective?

Similarly, recommendations for a book on the history of the Caribbean would be welcome.


How to piss off lefties

Say this to them:

The USA did not suffer a military defeat in Vietnam, only a political one, and had the military been allowed to fight the war without inept political interference & the cheerleading of the home-grown pro-commie movement, they would have won.

If they argue with you, tell 'em to go read Bui Tin.


Gargoyle & The Ham

While I've not normally been an avid viewer of weekly TV drama, I've been a big fan of Law & Order for a while now. While in recent years it too often slips into tedious white-collar crime soap-opera, it still offers some of the best, concise cops-n-lawyers stories on TV.

For the last few years, however, the presence of a particular cast member has often rendered some scenes unwatchable.

Elizabeth Rohm is unquestionably one of the worst actresses in the history of television. The blank, wide-eyed stare, a face which never changes expression and that godawful, blaring monotonal voice.

Her excruciating screen presence is so jarring, her delivery so inept she looks like some high school student who's blundered into a Globe Theatre Shakespeare production.

At best, you'll be waiting for her to shut up so one of the other characters can talk. She must be screwing producer Dick Wolf in order to have kept her part for so long.

Mercifully, Rohm is leaving the show this year. She will no doubt find work elsewhere, as - inexplicably - she has never had a problem finding paid work. I just hope it aint a show I like watching, as she's fucked up three of them already.

And while I'm on this topic, who in god's name can actually watch Law & Order: Criminal Intent without wanting to smash Vincent D'onofrio's head in with a large brick?

The guy is the most unbearable ham actor I've seen since I endured Nicholas Cage's 'performance' in Snake Eyes. What's truly unforgivable is that the big, stupid spazz takes away screen time from his co-star Kathryn Erbe, a great actress who is fondly remembered by HBO viewers as the child-murderer Shirley Bellinger on Oz.

Personally, I'm hoping for an episode where she gets to shoot D'onofrio's character. Aint gonna happen though, and more's the pity.


16 March 2005

Amongst Friends

Insane "futurist" and serial media commentator Richard Neville is back, though his scribblings have deteriorated so badly you can't even tell what he's raving about anymore.

What interests me more are the "truthful" websites that he links to, the ones not polluted by Neocons, Zionists and other boogeymen. Among these paragons of virtue are:

- Anti-semite and conspiracy creep Justin Raimondo.

-, which believes that we are going to be invaded by aliens. Oh, and let's not forget the ChemTrails.

- Global Research, which claims that 9/11 was caused by sinister wall street traders.

Of course, people like Richard are independent thinkers who can see through all the Zionazi/Neocon/Halliburton propaganda. People who vote for Dubya and John Howards are, on the other hand, completely crazy.


Phillip Adams recycles

The Corpulent Tax-sucking Leech writes his 4,926,522nd column about what irrational religious freaks certain world leaders are:

ONE of the many reasons that local and international politics are stark raving bonkers is because so many leaders are deranged. They're either led by the nose by nutters or are entirely nuts in their own right. And what follows isn't a left-wing diatribe. I'm not talking about the ideological craziness of, for example, the neo-cons, but good old-fashioned supernatural or pseudo-scientific silliness.

Odd then, that Adams still believes in plastic turkey urban legends.


Greenies love murderers

It's the Green Left Weekly of course, The Leafy Obergruppenführers are still squealing about the nasty American "propaganda" against their beloved Fidel:

There is no general climate of fear. People do speak freely, criticising their government, but criticising the US government far more. Cubans also participate at much higher levels than Australians in political system.

Cuba's human rights record is remarkable, taking into account its excellent health and education systems, the care of its citizens basic needs, and the internationalism demonstrated through its health and education support to many other poor countries.

Really? I wonder what Daniel Orlando Gómez would think of this.

Not surprisingly, the author of this pro-totalitarian drool is this asshole.

Tim Anderson can be reached here. Be sure to write to him and pay your respects.


Go visit already

Say hi to the Neowarmonger.


How to destroy the earth

Are you a Bob Brown voter who's depressed about the election results? Can't understand why your fellow human beings don't love trees as much as you do? Well now you can teach the bastards a lesson by destroying the earth.

Finally, a useful how-to guide for the common man!

(Thanks to Carol for the link)


Natalie Wood

Saw a documentary on this interesting lady the other night. She was an interesting set of contrasts: a vain starlet desperate for attention, who nonetheless by all accounts worked extremely hard on her acting and sought out credible roles. She had staggering physical beauty, yet often looked frozen and unappealing in photographs.

As an actress, she could sometimes be damned good, particularly as the emotionally unbalanced teenager in Elia Kazan's übersoap Splendour in the Grass.

A beautiful, often talented woman who under different circumstances may have developed into a genuinely great actress.


The Man in Black

While watching Dawn of the Dead the other night, I enjoyed the opening credits tune sung by Johnny Cash, I believe titled "when the man comes around" or something like that.

I've never owned any Cash albums (I enjoy country music about as much as vomiting), but I've liked every song or snippet I've ever heard of his, so I guess it's about time I checked out his musical career in more detail.

Can anyone with 'Cash knowledge' recommend 3 CDs of his? I understand he did some kind of covers album with Rick Rubin. Was this any good?


A rude question

Is Karol Wojtyla aiming to become history's first Zombie Pope?

Seriously, the guy looks like he's being animated by a bunch of cable-pulleys. The corpse in Weekend at Bernies looked in better shape.


Your time is up, commie-scum!!

It appears Compulsory Student Unionism is going to be canned.

Now get a fucking job and learn to stop bludging off others, you unionist parasites.


Looking for older whackings?

Wanna see my previous rants against lefty, commie, peacenick wankers, plus lots of fun stuff about motorcycles, music and movies?................ Click here for the full past whackings index


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