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Whacking Permalink Archive 4 December 2004 Today I finally got to ride a truly extraordinary piece of two-wheeled machinery: the Honda Goldwing.
The Honda GL 1800 is a massive lump of metal. My first thought on mounting the bike was holy shit, this thing is heavy. My second thought was: this thing costs $40,000, and I'm not insured, so for Chrissakes don't drop it. Built for luxury two-up touring, the Goldwing bears virtually no resemblance to any other motorcycle I have ever ridden. Let me tell you why...... - Engine: the 1.8 litre six-cylinder motor produces a massive amount of torque that makes even the most powerful superbikes feel absolutely anaemic by comparison. This is the ultimate long-distance motor. The bike just cruises at high speed with absolutely no effort whatsoever. A simple twist of the wrist is all that is need to blast past any other vehicle on the road. Magic. - Size: huge. And I do mean huge. You need to be seriously careful during low-speed manoeuvring, because at 363kgs - bone dry - you aint ever going to be able to pick this thing up if you drop it. With a passenger on the back, you'll need to put both feet down, all the time when you come to a stop. Tight corners and U-turns on this bike are the stuff of nightmares. - Ergonomics: the most comfortable motorcycle ever built, and more comfortable than at least 50% of cars on the road. No, I'm not kidding. The rider & passenger seats on this thing are practically lounge chairs. Wide, with deep, supportive cushioning, they simply couldn't be more comfortable. The passenger seat has a high backrest and even armrests. The screen is so tall my body suffered no wind buffeting. My passenger said to me that it was so comfortable and roomy that "I could have started reading a book. It was like being carried on a sedan chair". This motorcycle is so comfortable you could literally ride it until you ran out of fuel, and then get straight back on and ride until you ran out again. -Features: Jesus, where do I start? How about the massive in-built luggage compartments and glove boxes? The linked ABS brakes? The switch-adjustable headlights? The brilliant, easy-to-read, tell-you-everything instrument panel? The heated handgrips? And that's just the bike stuff. It also has stuff you normally only get in a car.... - cruise control, easily operated by a single switch on the right handlebar. - the programmable radio & six-stacker CD player. This always seemed like a stupid idea for a motorcycle, yet - to my utter astonishment - the sound remains loud and clear even at highway speeds. Colour me amazed. The speakers (including two in the passenger armrests) are so effective my passenger was actually begging me to turn the volume down. On a motorcycle! I guess that tall windscreen is so good at cutting wind noise that listening to music becomes a realistic proposition. Controls are easy to use, with volume control located both on the dash and on the left handlebar. - an electrically-powered reverse gear. Yes, a reverse gear. With a bike this heavy, you're going to need it occasionally.
How about ride quality? Yes, it's very awkward at low speed. And it isn't built for those ultra-twisty roads sportbike riders love so much. This is a bike for highways and fast country back roads, and really does handle much better than expected, thanks to a low centre of gravity and superb suspension. The Honda practically defines the word "stable". Bumps go by unnoticed. The bike glides effortlessly though long, fast sweepers. Rider and passenger fatigue is almost non-existent. This bike will eat long distances like nothing else on two wheels...or four wheels for that matter. With this much weight to haul up, a bike like this needs good brakes, and the Goldwing delivers. Tons of stopping power, great feel, and the security of ABS. How to sum up the Goldwing? Quite simple: fuckin' awesome. There just isn't anything else like it. All the fun of motorcycling and the creature comforts of being in a car. I can think of no other motor vehicle on earth I'd rather use to go from, say, Canberra to Adelaide in one day. I
want one. Badly. And to all you twats who are thinking "why don't
you just buy a car?". If you seriously think that, then you've never
ridden this bike. And that's the truth.
...and the blogreaders shall inherit the earth... A thousand "thank-you"s to reader Jim B., who supplied the answer to my TV mystery. It
turns out that the name of the show in question was "The
Fourth Arm".
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