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1
December 2004
I
need $20,000...
...so
I can buy one of these:
The
KTM Duke 990
A
litre-class v-twin naked sportsbike. <insert drooling noises>
Somebody
buy me one please. Certainly looks tastier than the Aprilia
Tuono. And it got a great review in this week's AMCN.
Comedians
who suck
Just
thought I might mention that I can't stand these two fuckwits:
Ade
Edmonsen and Rik Mayall are execrable British comedians who have somehow
made a career despite never being even remotely funny.
Unless
I've missed out on some gem they created, it seems their entire comedic
repertoire consists of jokes about snot, poo, farting and willies. Oh,
and they both shout a lot. That's pretty much it.
Actually,
I'm probably being unfair. They did other stuff too: here's some of their
more, um, intellectual repartee from that supposedly classic comedy show,
The Young Ones:
Rick:
Hey, wouldn't it be amazing if all this money was real?
Vyvyan: That is the single most predictable and BORING
thing that anyone could ever say whilst playing Monopoly!
Vyvyan:
Ha! I'm not jealous. I find the idea of spending a night with you completely
revolting!
Rick: You know perfectly well what I mean. Just because
I was the most wanted and attractive guy at the party last night...
Neil: What do you mean, Rick? You passed out after
half a glass of cider.
Rick: Did I? Blimey, that's a bit anarchic! Anyway,
it just goes to show you, Neil. Even when I'm unconscious, I can pick
up the birds. Erm, I mean, forge meaningful relationships with birds...
chicks... tarts... women. Women!
And
these were the funny bits.
However,
these two are still comic giants compared to Alexi
Sayle.
More
on the 'gold movies' thing
Thanks
to a reader who pointed out a glaring omission from my "gold
movies" lists.
Die
Hard: With a Vengeance
Great
action flick. Different enough from the first two that it seemed pretty
fresh. Lots of gold in it too.
Australian
Nanny-Statists march ever onward.....
The
ongoing campaign from our local safety nazis has found a new target: motorcycles.
Yes,
Alan
Mitchell from the Financial Review says motorbikes should be "taxed
off the road", because they are nasty things which hurt
people.
In
NSW, the Carr government is bravely trying to cut the road toll, even
at the risk of alienating young motorists. However, its discussion paper
has overlooked one simple measure that could result in a significant
reduction in the road toll, including among young road users.
NSW
and the other states should tax motorcycles and motor scooters off the
road.
[...]
A
heavy tax on motorcycles would be regressive, in the sense that it would
fall more heavily on those with low incomes.
However,
like the heavy taxation of tobacco products, the equity consequences
have to judged against their health outcomes.
History
has shown that governments can save people's lives simply by deterring
them from getting on motorcycles. A compromise solution may be to phase
in the higher tax, to give existing bike and scooter owners time to
buy a car in the normal course of replacing their bikes. At least with
lower tariffs and the rise of the Korean car industry, the choices for
those looking for an alternative means of cheap transport have widened.
Korean
cars may be less exciting, but they last longer and, more importantly,
so do both their drivers and their passengers.
Don't
you love these pricks? They want to wreck my lifestyle for no other reason
than they know what's better for me. He doesn't make mention of the fact
that 3/4ths of motorcycle crashes are caused by car drivers.
Dear
Mr. Mitchell: may shit come to your life, and kiss you. Hopefully in the
form of a shattered pelvis.
Speaking
of motorcycles and idiots....
The
latest issue of Two Wheels
has a classic effort from ageing commie Grant
Roff. Roff once authored these words of deep political wisdom:
America
has been in the news quite a bit recently. It's president, despite knowing
that his country consumes about 80 percent of the world's resources
and its economic and foreign policy enslaves most of the planet, doesn't
understand why it's the subject of terrorist attacks. Here's a tip even
Althea could give your George: assist in the more equal distribution
of wealth
This
month, Roff applies his mighty intellect to the subject of motorcycling
travel movies & books.
Old
Groffy wasn't too impressed by a book from Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman,
showing their motorcycle trip around Asia. Groffy has his fat undies in
a twist over the thought of two rich celebrities enjoying a motorcycle
journey in the presence of a cameraman. Aside from loathing their temerity
over not apologising for being wealthy, Groff hates the fact that they
mention that they had to wear their underwear for a few days at a time.
Showing
his usual level of moral charm, Groffy - by contrast - loves
The Motorcycle Diaries,
the flattering movie portrait of communist mass-murderer and Joseph Stalin
supporter Che Guevara.
What
makes Ewan and Charley's excellent advanture particularly hard to stomach
is a comparison between it and the soon to be released movie, The
Motorcycle Diaries.
[...]
The
film is based on Che's actual diary of the adventure which was first
published in an English translation in 1995. It's due for release in
Australia early next month and is the best motorcycle flick I've ever
seen. This is partly because it's so full of humour, but mostly because
it's about the discovery and self-discovery that riding a bike encourages
in people who are in tune with the road. There's a difference between
being able to ride a motorcycle and actually being a motorcyclist -
something, I suspect, Ewan and Charley haven't realised yet.
Che
was close to finishing his studies to become a doctor when the journey
began, and Alberto was already a qualified biochemist. They spent some
of the trip doing violunteer work in a leper colony in San Pablo, where
they were so popular the lepers took up a collection to help them continue
their jounrey.
Perhaps
there's a clue here to finding a way to actually enjoy Christmas. Give
everyone you know a ticket to The Motorcycle Diaries and do
what Che and Alberto did: spend some time helping others.
Awww,
nice cuddly Che. Tell me Groff, was this before or after he started machine-gunning
"class enemies" and calling for nuclear war against the united
states? Was it before or after he helped set up Cuba's prison system which
now jails political opponents, gays and AIDS sufferers?
Stick
to subjects you know something about Groffy, like wiping your arse.
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