| 1 February 2007
Senator Tex & the curse of democracy
The Liberal Democratic Party - Libertarians with a douchebag of a name - have asked me to run for the Federal senate in this year's election.
 Of course, no LDP candidate is going to win anywhere anytime soon. It's an exercise in principle: to have at least somebody who thinks that the ever-expanding government dominion needs to be drastically reduced, both in the economic and social spheres.
I said I'd think about it on two non-negotiable conditions:
1- I wouldn't have to spend any of my own money
2- I wouldn't be doing any campaigning or publicity work of any sort
Sounds lazy? Yeah it is, and with good reason: it's not just the fact I have no interest in running for any political office, nor is it just that the LDP has no chance in hell of actually winning anything, it's also the fact that even if LDP candidates did win a few races, those whole exercise is still quixotic.
Here's a horrible truth: You can't get rid of the governmental bailiwick by vote. Tinker at the edges maybe, win a few minor concessions, but the big government mentality is so entrenched in the Australian psyche that even the LDP's wishy-washy-radical platform of small government and personal responsibility isn't going to gain traction anytime soon.
Still, I'm tempted by the sheer novelty of it: me as federal senate candidate. Here's my campaign speech:
G'Day,
I want you to elect me. Why? Because I promise, if elected, I will spend every day of my term making sure the government does absolutely fucking nothing.
I'm gonna stop government spending in almost every area you can imagine. The government will be so starved of revenue it will barely be able to function. You'll have to pay for stuff yourselves instead of expecting other people to do it. Your money is your money. It does not belong to the government, your neighbour, the unemployed or any other part of the "community". Nobody else is going to pay for your damned kids education, your babysitting, your house or your groceries.
You'll have to mind your own damned business and take responsibility for your own actions. If the guy next door to you is a polygamist transsexual drug addict with a collection of .44 magnums who makes porno movies featuring donkeys, there's nothing you can do about it.
You're gonna learn to live your own life, without the government's tongue permanently shoved up your arsehole.
I'm not gonna stop businesses from opening whenever the hell they want or charging whatever the hell they want. I'm not gonna stop people developing their own property however the hell they want. I'm not gonna stop people gambling anywhere they want on anything they want. No private contract for goods or services made without coercion will be considered "unfair".
Nobody owes you a bloody thing: not supermarkets, not the banks, not petrol companies, not phone companies, not ISPs, not TV stations, not anybody, especially not "the community".
If you live in a flood plain, don't expect other taxpayers to pay for your flood damage. If you move out to the country, don't start bitching about how you're not being provided with "services".
But hey, look at the upside: you'll pay bugger-all tax. You'll have more money to spend on your new personal responsibilities. No cunt-faced bureaucrat can tell you how to build your house, or that you can't chop down some ugly heritage-listed dead tree in your backyard. You won't have to pay the government for the privilege of buying a house or a car or anything else.
Nothing, and I mean nothing that you do will be illegal as long as it doesn't harm any other person.....and by "harm", I don't mean some silly old bitch thinking your house is the wrong colour, or that your lifestyle is "immoral".
You will have an absolute right to protect your own life and property. If someone breaks into your house, or is trying to steal your car, you can shoot the useless bastard.
I will tell the AMA to go fuck themselves. You have an absolute right to do anything you want with your own body and life. You can drink, smoke, sniff cocaine or stick dynamite up your wiener.
Fast food companies can sell as much fatty-greasy junk food as they want. They won't be obligated to provide salads and soy milk just because some self-righteous health weasel thinks it's "good" for people.
Your life is yours. You neighbours life is theirs. Harm no-one, pay for your own stuff and mind your own fucking business. The government will exist to do three things, and only three things:
1: Protect the borders with a standing military
2: Run the police and court system
3: Enforce contracts
Sound good to you? Then vote for me. The rest of you can go fuck yourselves, you pack of goddamned moral gimps.
Yeah, maybe I will run after all. Giving our statist rulers some verbal curry will be fun, even if nothing really changes.
Y'all are gonna vote for me, right?
Idiot receives posterior on crockery, parts 2 & 3
The loopy ravings of Dinesh D'Souza get torn to pieces by Jamie Glazov before being paid a return visit by Robert Spencer. This is your must-read for the day.
Search string of the day
Fat women sitting on toilet pics
I wish you luck in your search, you weirdo.
Ducati 1098 - not ugly
Five years after inflicting the visually hideous 999 on the world (I try not to think about the Multistrada), Ducati have released the 1098: the first new Duke in a half-decade which doesn't make you vomit on sight, but........
....Ducati's new flagship looks like a Honda Fireblade:
So much for all that European character. Good thing then that the new 1098 is apparently a wicked piece of machinery to ride, and is phenomenally quick, supposedly only a few HP less than a Gixxer 1000..... from a v-twin!
Actually, digs aside, I like the way the new duke looks. It's no 916, but it's sleek and pretty again, and they've fixed up that hideous back-end with that stupid box-shaped exhaust.
It should sell like hotcakes, and will probably reduce the resale value of those fugly 999s. I'd love to test-ride one, but demo Dukes are tricky to find.
One thing is for sure: at $25,000, I sure as shit won't be buying one, especially not for a motorcycle with "Italian build quality".
Double-digit IQs converge
Alex Robson has brought to my attention this horror show:
Ross Gittins - the economics guru of Australia - is a man on a mission. He wants to help us understand just how the economy around us works, and more importantly, to help us take control of our lives, do less of what doesn't satisfy us and more of what does. Sound simple? Sound appealing? You bet.
While the very word 'economics' strikes fear in the hearts of many, as the great English economist Alfred Marshall puts it, economics is simply 'the study of mankind in the ordinary business of life'. And it's this ordinary business of life that Ross Gittins wants to explain to us: be it to do with work, leisure and the shortage of time; homes and housework; buying and saving; parents and their kids; kids and their education; not to mention our happiness and the things that may threaten it - crime, taxation, health and ageing.
Economics is the stuff of life, our life, and we need to understand it.
Sweet Cunting Mother of Zombie Jesus.....
Gittens, "the economics guru of Australia" is the genius who....
....made us aware of horrifying social problems:
For a start, consumers often find the choices they're presented with quite confusing. You're being asked to compare an apple with an orange [Gittens calls this 'gangster capitalism']
....decided that government should be involved in "relationship issues":
Governments and political parties have largely ignored relationship issues, perhaps assuming they're the responsibility of priests and psychologists.
And then we've had the attitude that we don't want governments engaging in "social engineering". What's apparent now, however, is that - whether they think about it or not - government policies do affect relationships.
....decided that Medicare is so inefficient, we should give it more money to make it work.
....decided that the market was responsible for his weight problems.
....described tax reforms as "avarice".
....said higher taxes will make you live longer.
....claimed freedom of choice has "psychic costs".
Ugh. I really don't want to dwell on how completely fucking horrifying it is that educated adults can consider this snivelling, disgusting twit to be anything other than a complete lunatic.
For further reading about this "economics guru", I recommend this brilliant essay by the aforementioned Mr. Robson and Sinclair Davidson.
As useful as the jet-powered beer cooler
Thanks to reader Andrew, say hello to the motorcycle tank.
God bless insane engineering nerds.
In case you were wondering....
....what Thom Lyons is up to, I can report he is now the President of the American Ex-Servicemen's Association.
Here he is laying a wreath at the Memorial Day service in Melbourne last May.
Unbelievable.
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