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The
Dog's Tits Brain
Police Grumpy
Old Farts Encomium
Jeebus
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20 August 2005 Robert
Spencer performs a spectacular
disembowelment of Klein's obscene apologies for Islamic terrorism.
Blood & Beards: a review of Gettysburg Caught the Civil War epic the other night. It makes Civil War buffs and the kind of people who like John Wayne movies wet their pants.
At around four hours in length, it holds your attention pretty well, though it varies between tension & tedium like a yo-yo. The movie consists of two elements: battles and speeches. Some of the battle scenes are stunning, particularly the battle of Little Round Top, where Col. Joshua Chamberlain's 20th Maine corps hold off wave after wave of fierce rebel attacks. This unrelenting sequence is nearly an hour long and is utterly riveting. Other scenes suffer from ponderous direction and incoherent editing. The climactic scene focusing on the doomed "Pickett's Charge" is a case in point. So much time is wasted showing soldiers marching to LOUD, STIRRING PATRIOTIC MUSIC, I was starting to mumble "oh, fucking hurry up already". The battle scene itself - while exciting in segments - is more confusing than exciting on the whole. At one point, it looks as if the rebels have overrun the union position, then seconds later the rebels lie obliterated. This is especially disappointing as the movie mostly does a brilliant job letting the viewer visualise exactly what is at stake, where each side is on the battlefield, and the strengths and layout of the respective armies. This is no easy task and the film succeeds admirably for the most part. Kudos. The cast - despite being burdened with endless big speeches set to LOUD, STIRRING PATRIOTIC MUSIC - is superb, bringing a warmth and humanity to the characters that even the tin dialogue, bloated musical score, and startlingly bad facial hair can't erase. Jeff Daniels, Tom Berenger, Stephen Lang, Sam Elliott and Richard Jordan lend an air of dignity and sadness to the whole affair. You really do get a great sense of the despair of men fighting their own friends and countrymen. The one exception to this was Martin Sheen, who is badly miscast as legendary general Robert E. Lee. His perpetually befuddled characterisation fails to convey any of the charisma or gravitas that made Lee such a great commander of men in battle. Sheen comes across as Grampa Simpson in a uniform. There isn't much context to place the whole battle in. Only a brief voiceover introduction is given at the beginning of the movie, and the causes of the war are only occassionally brought up in conversation, which seem to be lacking a certain something: no one - not even the Southerners - has anything bad to say about black folk. You half expect Martin Luther King to walk in at any moment with doves flying overhead. Yes, I know the Civil War was started for reasons other than "slavery". But I'm damn sure the Confederate army didn't just consist of West Point gentleman having high-brow discussions on states' rights and sovereignty. A lot of them were backward, shit-eating illiterate redneck buttmonkeys who got all cranky when told they couldn't use them niggers as their own personal men-cattle. I guess it's hard to show men having a heroic death when so many of them probably deserved it. Still,
Gettysburg is a good flick, especially if you're a war movie
buff, and it definitely deserves to be seen on a big a screen as possible.
Just a pity it had to be soaked in so much sentimental, patriotic blather.
Favourite TV characters, part VI
Character:
Stewie Griffin "Damn you, vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your wretched womb." "Mother,
I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's
not a toaster." Looking for older whackings? Wanna see my previous rants against lefty, commie, peacenick wankers, plus lots of fun stuff about motorcycles, music and movies?................ Click here for the full past whackings index |
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Definitely
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